2nd Wedding Anniversary!

Hey, hey it is my 2^nd anniversary!  This has been an interesting time in my life and I must be honest I am starting to see the changes in my own life.  

Firstly remember I am a city girl with this bad ass attitude, my way or the highway.  Ah, now let me tell you that doesn’t work like this.  My husband has a firm hand over me and keeps me in toe.  I am still my own person and have many new interests.  

How was my day today?  Well the normal, got out of bed at 04h30 and then left the house by 06h00 arriving at work at 07h00.  Then to top it off in an early morning meeting at 07h30 to 08h30, then back in the office.  I worked on three projects; getting information from people isn’t that easy.  I firstly completed my own scope of work, followed up with the suppliers and then going back to the next person.  As I work according to my time keeping schedule I then finally got to lunch time.  I missed my husband; he was in a meeting all day.  What a bummer!

Lunch was two banana’s and two strawberries, yum.  Tea, tea, and more tea it kills the hungry bug in my stomach.  Tee-hee, nothing I cannot handle.

Great we then get into the afternoon; I have Millicent at my desk the two of us both idiots right now trying to sort out our problems.  We have problems, no access to systems, needing to beg and ask constantly for information.  Learning is difficult and man we are really struggling, this power house isn’t that easy to get into.  But I enjoy the challenge and I hope and pray my work will be seen and recognised.

Yippy time to go home, 16h15 waiting for my lift, hmm run over the street, hop into the car and off to collect my husband.  Hmm, what a handsome chap, navy blue trousers and pin stripped white and blue shirt.  Behold the sigh of this handsome man, waiting for us to come along and take him home.  The drive home is peaceful and he normally takes a nap when he doesn’t have to drive.  I sit next to him reading a novel as usual.  We finally get to the toll gate, through it almost home, another 15 minutes to 20 minutes.  At our drop-off we get into our own car and then back into the traffic, it can be a bore but hey there isn’t any other way.  Life is like that.

This morning, I was reading God is in control over our lives and it doesn’t matter what we think, we must just realise that God knows best.  Sometimes I look at my life and wonder can I have any impact on anybody and do I have the ability to actually be the best that I can?

What is impacting my life this moment is the looking after two young teenagers, two beautiful Yorkshire terrier puppies, two beautiful little birds, a beautiful Golden Mantle and a beautiful yellow canary.  They both sing so beautiful, my Golden Mantle – Birdy sings all day long and not forgetting my lovely canary in toe.  Then the horrible cat and my love for my little coy fish, white and orange, man has he grown.  Hard to believe when you keep in mind the water in Witbank is very, very dangerous and not human friendly.  Yip this is about my whole life in a couple of words.  

‘In him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will,’  Ephesians 1: 11

Lord today I dedicate my marriage back into Your hands, You have predestined both Andus and I to be here together in this year as husband and wife.  Lord I want to pray and ask that You will work out everything in conformity with the purpose of Your Will.  We need You in our lives, You know our dreams and desires.  I dedicate all the children into Your hands and I dedicate my husband and myself into Your hands.  Keep us close to Your heart, let no harm come to our marriage, our finances, our home, our vehicles and whatever we deem precious and important to us.  Our friends and family, keep all of them safe too, I plead the blood of Jesus Christ over all our lives.  Amen

Renew me from the inside out.

Romans 12: 17 – 19 ‘don’t hit back; discover beauty in everyone.  If you’ve got it in you, get along with everybody.  Don’t insist on getting even; that’s not for you to do.  I’ll do the judging, says God.  ‘I’ll take care of it.’ (The Message)

Life has not been so kind to me and I find the older I get the more I want to ‘hit back’.  I know and have come to realise that most people go through the same things.  People are fickle and boy can they disappoint you.  Looking back at what has happened in my own life, I sometimes feel that it is my right to actually ‘hit back’.  Well it isn’t that easy and being mean spirited doesn’t work for me.  I don’t want to become someone that is all bitter and twisted.  I don’t want to sit at home in a couple of years and think back to the years of being bitter and twisted. 

I want to make a difference, I want people to look at me and say ‘she is always kind, understanding and friendly.  She doesn’t carry grudges and she always tries to look at the bright side of life.’   Yes, people are always going to disappointment and I need to get used to that, I might as well play ‘second fiddle’ and get used to that.  It doesn’t mean I don’t care.  I care, I don’t like disappointment, I don’t like people being nasty and rude to me.  I don’t like people ignoring me and not doing as they are told.  So what now? 

I am going to take a deep breath; I am going to take these people in prayer to God.  I get angry and irritated but let me tell you something, I will not let them steel my joy, I will not let them take away my dreams of being loving, kind and understanding.  I want to show grace, have compassion and love them for who they are.  

I will trust in the Lord God, I am going to make Romans 12 my motto for the next couple of years.  I am going to carry this around with me until it becomes me.  I want God to change me from within so that this old body will shine and just maybe be renewed as my mind and soul gets renewed.

Do yourself a favour; take a look at the people around you.  Look at the people that serve the living God, I mean look at their faces.  They radiate a beauty and seem to have a kind of inner strength and peace about them.  Then go and look at the person that isn’t serving our Lord, they seem to have burdens so heavy it draws on their faces and they seem tired and worn out.   Look and you will see it.  Look at Joel Osteen and look at Joyce Meyer (Joel is my age, and Joyce is older) aren’t they beautiful?  Yes I believe they are.  Compare them to someone you know who really doesn’t care about the Lord and the life after this life.  Look at them and think about it.

Lord God, I want You to renew my body, mind and soul.  Most of all I want You to come and life within me and renew me from the inside out.  Lord please renew me.

Hands

Have you looked at your hands lately?  I have been studying mine for a couple of weeks now.  They are so wrinkled and old looking it gives my age away.  Then I started to think about my hands, what they mean to me and how they serve me.

First of all these hands of mine held my three children.  Helping them grow up, I fed them with my hands and later I taught them to dress properly with my hands.  I held them in my arms with my hands and I look after them with these hands.  I washed washing with these hands, I knitted and sewed with these hands, I painted oil paintings with these hands, I wrote long letters with these hands.  I washed dishes with these hands, cleaned my house with these hands.  My hands have seen so much water it is no wonder they are so wrinkled.   

Most importantly my hands are able to do the things I need done, I can take up my Bible and read the scriptures.  With my hands I am able to type letters, long documents; I am able to do so much with these hands.  They are my life line in my life, without my hands I would not be able to type as fast I do, I would not be able to hold a cup of tea or eat a slice of bread.  I would not be able to cook a plate of food and make a warm dish to eat.

Today with gratitude I stand before the Lord of heaven, Lord Jesus Christ, thank You for my old hands.  Thank You that I may use them and thank You that You blessed me to have them.

Think about it without your hands you won’t be able to do much either.  We seem to lose our gratitude towards life for the little things that keep us going and the majority of use takes everything around us for granted. 

Romans 12 - a thought for the day

There was a time in my life when I believed that I would be looking after more children, perhaps I would adopt a couple of children to fill my house.  Life sure changes and I am looking after two young children.  The funny thing is I don’t have the same patience and understanding I may have had when I was a younger mom, I also get irritated by the way the children act and behave.  Nevertheless, they are two sweet young kids, growing up in a house with a step mom must be difficult for them too.  I have strict laws and I keep them to it, I don’t let anyone get away with stuff that don’t suit me.  So at the present time life is hard for them.

Currently I am focusing my life on Romans 12, Paul writes and tells the Christians to keep their minds focused on God.  We need to keep our daily lives focused on God, you know your day-to-day living, your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life.  Bringing this before the Lord and asking Him to sanctify it for you.  We are asked not to become so well-adjusted to our culture that we actually fit into it without even thinking.  Paul say we should fix our thoughts on the Lord so that we may change from within.  All of these things are there to change our lives so that we may become mature people in God.

We live in pure grace as Paul puts it and we must not misinterpret ourselves as people who are bringing the goodness to God.  No, God bring it all to us.  Now we can only accurately understand ourselves by what God is and by what He does for us, not by what we are and what we do for Him.

Wow if I had to take my own life I feel that I would be falling short all the time, my temper and my temper tantrums keep me so busy I don’t think I can be a nice person.  But when you look at me through God’s eyes you wouldn’t see me as I see myself, no you would be looking at me through God’s eyes.  He loves me because He sent His only begotten son Jesus Christ to die on the cross for my sins.  So that I may be saved.  How awesome is that.

So here’s some food for thought ‘Love from the center of who you are; don’t fake it.  Run for dear life from evil; hold on for dear life to good.  Be good friends who love deeply; practice playing second fiddle.’  Romans 12: 9 – 10 The Message.

Work hard and don’t burn out, keep yourselves fuelled and aflame.  Be alert servants of the Master, cheerfully expectant.  Don’t quit in hard times; pray all the harder.  Help needy Christians; be inventive in hospitality.  

Bless you for reading my Blog today, may God bless you as you think about it.  Take courage and good cheer.  Live your life to the fullest and be all you can be as God wants you to be.

Photo Shoot

 

We had a photo shoot over the weekend and it was great fun, I was enjoying the new adventure with my sister and mom, my daughter and step daughter and not forgetting my sexy nice.  My daughter arranged this day for us and we had a whale of a time.

making memories was nice!

we are grateful to spend time with my mom and with the family.

How awesome it is to see how we all have grown.

 

Step Mom

As a step mother I feel so inadequate and most of the time I feel not worthy.  I cannot imagine why God would let me be a step mother to another woman’s children.  Today I am a step mother looking after two young children with totally different values and points of view.  You may think you know what your future holds for you, my goodness only God knows.  God knows where you will be in 10 years’ time and you hope you will be were you need to be in 10 years’ time.  My only prayer would be Lord please guide me and direct my steps, I cannot do this on my own.  Thank you for a wonderful husband who understands me and appreciates the fact that I am not perfect.  I sometimes wonder if he doesn’t just want to run away and hide from me.  I feel like a dragon on fire when things don’t go the way I plan them and explode on many occasions.  You cannot believe how easy that is for me.  Other people simmer and stay quiet me on the other than, I can explode in minutes and get it off my chest in that minute. 

Please Lord will you give me wisdom and I know that You can only give me knowledge I need to keep going and watch over these two.  I always wanted to adopt children as I thought it might be a good idea but now with two children I need to look after and teach my goodness, it isn’t that easy.

Hopefully I will success in the days ahead but right now God knows my heart and understands it isn’t that easy.  I pray for a pure heart and mind so that I might do the best I can.  Hopefully I can obey God in all I do.  Lord teaches, me, O LORD, the way of Your statutes, and I shall keep it to the end.  Give me understanding, and I shall keep Your law; indeed, I shall observe it with my whole heart.  Make me walk in the path of Your commandments, for I delight in it.  Psalm 119: 33….

Children are a challenge, it isn’t easy I can tell you that much.  Goodness

I have to learn to like myself.

For as long as I can remember I have been told how fat I am, how lucky I am to find a husband, how lucky I am that someone actually cared about me and married me.  So many years have passed and I kept on believing that I am fat, that I am ugly and not attractive.   Then I got divorced and I lived alone with my three children for a couple of years.

My perception of myself isn’t that great I still struggle with my self-image and I still fall flat on my face on a regular basis.  My husband is wonderful, he never ever tells me that I am fat or unattractive or stupid.  He constantly reminds me of his love for me and he constantly tells me how great I look.  He looks at me with loving eyes and helps me with everything.  He basically carries me on his hands.

Because of my rebellious self I need to learn how to speak to myself softly, remind myself that I am worthy of his loving kindness.  I need to remind myself that I don’t have to go through any situation alone and that I have someone like him to love me and support me.  I am currently learning to be kinder and gentler towards myself as well as towards my family and friends.  

I am trying hard to give myself a little hug when I feel down and out; I am currently learning to speak gentle kinder words to myself.  I want to grow older with wisdom and understanding and not become this old hag with bitterness and hatred. 

Thank the Lord for my husband, his kindness, his understanding and his love.  The Lord for my family and friends and most of all thank the Lord for His word.  

Psalm 84: 11 ‘For the LORD GOD is a sun and shield; the LORD will give grace and glory; no good thing will He withhold from those who walk uprightly.’

I want to walk uprightly and I want to be a gentler, kinder person and I want to make everybody around me feel happy and enjoy their lives.  They thank you to my sister for always being kind to me and always showering me with lovely gifts.  Zelda, you are the greatest!!!!

Our Father

How indescribable is our Father God.  God knows each one of us by name, He knows our daily needs.  Reading this passage in the Amplified Bible – Matthew 7: 11 ‘If you then, evil as you are, know how to give good and advantageous gifts to your children, how much more will your Father Who is in heaven [perfect as He is] give good and advantageous things to those who keep on asking Him!’  

When thinking of the needs of my children I know that they need to eat and I also know that they need a warm house to come home to.  I know they need to grow up in a friendly and homely environment.  I also know they have school needs which have to be addressed.  They also have heart desires and wishes that need to be addressed.  Sometimes I give them their hearts desire and wishes when they come to me asking what if they could have this or that.  I have also learned that yes there are many requests and some of them are just not good for them and I don’t allow it.  I tell them no, you cannot have this or that because of A, B, C.  Hearts broken and mostly upset they fight with me because they feel in their heart they deserve whatever they asked for and I denied it.

Thank You Father that You don’t always give us what we ask for.  Thank You that you know that sometimes it isn’t to our advantage to get something’s.  We don’t see the big picture and cannot always know where it is going and what the outcome is going to be.  So we just want to get our way as we seem to be really spoilt and undeserving.

A source of fear

I have just started work again and I must tell you I have forgotten how versatile people are and each individual can really be so different from the rest.  Thinking about the lady I work with, she is short and stout, pear-shaped with long brown hair.  She doesn’t wear any makeup and cusses all the time.  It seems to me that every second work is a swear word.  It seems to be part of her vocabulary.  She praise God with the same mouth and yet she can swear just as badly.

One thing is for sure she is fearful of dying.  Each day we would chat about this and that and then boom; she is reminded of someone who passed away and would discuss them in detail.  At first it didn’t worry me but lately it is working on my nervous.

I find it disturbing to hear about dead people each day and today it is a relief not to be speaking about dead people but look what I am writing about?  My goodness, I don’t have to be writing about this but look at my title ‘the source of fear … dead people’.

Thinking about a sermon I was listing this morning Pastor Brian Houston discussed his trip to the USA where he visited Pastor Joel Osteen.  On discussing the trip Pastor Brian told of an event they attended at a ranch and the huge bulls all around them.  The thing that got onto him was the ‘cow dung’ which clung to his shoes and he just couldn’t get rid of it.  So I am starting to wonder if this ‘dead people’ thing is something that is sticking to this poor woman and she just cannot get rid of it.

How to approach this matter will be interesting and I must tell you I believe I can only do this by consulting my Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ.  There is no other way, I would have to speak to the Lord and trust in Him to renew my thinking and help her to change her speaking.

So I am going to focus on the Word of God Luke 6: 45 ‘The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart.  For what you say flows from what is in your heart.’

The condition of this ladies heart is dread of dying I need to help her see life instead of dying.

I want to pray and ask the Lord to help me and guide me so that I am able to give her sound advice and help her face each day without worrying about dying.  She needs to start living her life in abundance and not by worry about something like dying.