Proverbs 18:14Amplified Bible (AMP)
14 The strong spirit of a man sustains him in bodily pain or trouble, but a weak and broken spirit who can raise up or bear?
Blow after blow I endured for some many years and this year it struck me to such an extent that committing suicide would have been the best answer for me. My weak and broken spirit could not move forward any more. I was constantly crying and everything seemed to be against me. I finally spoke to my husband and my daughter, telling them the overwhelming feeling of despair that was haunting me constantly. It seemed that my life was falling apart and the even God had abandoned me.
A couple of weeks ago I decided to get my house in order as I was sure I would not make this year going forward, I told my husband, I wanted to get all my project in order and sort things out as I was certain I was going to die.
In the meantime I have been to my GP who has given me medication to help me deal with my daily stress which by the way aren’t earth moving problems. Just a daily life.
Psalm 38 (amp) spoke to me personally and it seemed that God had let me down. I started focusing on my Lord, ‘Matthew 6:33 But seek (aim at and strive after) first of all His kingdom and His righteousness (His way of doing and being right), and then all these things taken together will be given you besides.’
I made it my mission going forward to focus on God and stay in the word, when feeling down I would listen to Gospel music my daughter forwarded to me via Whatsup and when life felt too heavy for me, I would read my Bible, looking constantly to draw near to the Lord.
Today after so many months of anxiety I feel confidant to look forward and trust in the Lord, to change my future and know that my God loves me with mercies untold. I know that each and every chain is being broken by my Lord Jesus.